The war in Ukraine through the eyes of a Russian soldier: disorder, mediocre command and unwillingness to kill (II)

About the confusion on the battlefield in the first days of the war

I am thinking about how we will storm Kherson: I don't think that the mayor will come out with bread and salt, raise the flag of the Russian Federation over the administrative building, and we will enter the city in a parade of vehicles. From what I heard, Kherson is a big city, if we drive there in a convoy, then we are screwed. I knew our level of preparation and organization and prepared for the worst. How bad must things be in the Ukrainian army that our command decided to attack this city? We should have taken it yesterday, yesterday was a surprise on our end, but everything is as usual. In times of peace it is disorder, and in times of war even worse.

 

All our preparations were only on paper, our technique was hopelessly out of date. We are an air assault battalion, sent to war with UAZs! A huge amount of equipment simply could not reach the war lines, which is only 200 kilometers. Our tactics are still the same as our grandfathers! With such thoughts, I came across another UAZ of my unit, someone somewhere got a bottle of cognac.

We are starting to prepare for the assault on Kherson ... There is no serious equipment and weapons in the Airborne Forces, we are not the main army, our total strength across the country is a maximum of 40,000, some of them are conscripts and are in garrison. Where is the army? We didn't drive long, a small bridge appeared in front of us, this is already the entrance to the city. On the bridge, our convoy lines up and freezes in place... An ideal place for an ambush, the convoy stands on a narrow road... We are just an ideal target on our unarmored UAZs, standing for 20 minutes without moving... As a result, we are slowly going back. Turns out we missed the right turn.  

About lack of things and robbery

It starts to get dark, the team comes to dig. It was very cold, frost started, some started sleeping alternately. No one had sleeping bags, a strong wind rose, and the frost began to penetrate to the bones. I'm going somewhere to find a sleeping bag. Some found some cardboard boxes and rags, hiding behind them. Passing by private houses, I see that one is abandoned and does not look like a residential house. Looking at the residential building nearby, which is located in the same yard, I stand and fight the urge to enter it, I ask the locals for blankets. If there are no people in the house, then just go in and take something to warm yourself... After a few minutes I give up on this idea: their reaction can be very different. The feeling is disgusting from everything around, we, as animals, are just trying to survive. We don't even need an enemy, the command has brought us to such conditions that the homeless live better. I laid one oil lamp on the ground, the boy and I lay down hugging each other to somehow warm up, we covered ourselves with another cloth on top, it didn't heat, but it protected a little from the wind.

The next day we arrived at the Kherson seaport. Everyone looked exhausted and wild, everyone started searching the buildings for food, water, showers and lodging, someone started carrying computers and anything of value. I was no exception: I found a hat in a broken down truck AND took it. The balaclava was too cold. Several people were sitting in the TV room watching the news, where they also found a bottle of champagne.

 

The offices had a dining room with a kitchen and refrigerators. We, like savages, ate everything that was available: cereals, oatmeal, jam, honey, coffee... We were absolutely indifferent to everything, we were already pushed to the limit, most lived in the field for a month without any hint comfort, showers and normal food. People, not allowing them to rest after that, were sent to war. Everyone was randomly looking for a place to sleep, there was a damn long line for the shower. What a wild state you can bring people to... During the night we overturned everything. I met soldiers smashing a coffee machine in search of hryvnias, it is not clear why the hell they surrendered to them.

 

 

On March 3rd, it was rumored that we would go on an assault on Nikolaev and on to Odessa. I couldn't believe it: don't the people above understand that people are exhausted? Now we have heard rumors

More than a month later it was Groundhog Day. We dug in, artillery was shooting at us, our artillery was working on the Armed Forces of Ukraine, our aviation was almost invisible. We just held positions in the trenches on the front line: no bathing, no food, no sleep. Everyone was covered in beards and dirt, uniforms and berets started to deteriorate. We didn't see the high command. There was nothing to eat, except dry food: one box for two days.

They announced that they would pay for every dead soldier of the Armed Forces of Ukraine or damaged equipment, as the militants did in Chechnya. No one brought us new uniforms, shoes, ammunition and warm clothes. In several boxes of humanitarian aid, there were cheap socks, T-shirts, shorts and soap. In fact, we only received shipments from relatives and women from Feodosia. But for some reason, the packages did not reach the recipient and were opened. It was only thanks to them that we started to eat tea, coffee, sweets and preserves at least somewhat "normally".

 

Someone started shooting himself in the limbs or deliberately setting himself up to be wounded in order to get three million (payment for the wound) and get out of this hell. Our prisoner's fingers and genitals were cut off. Dead Ukrainians on one of the pillars were put in place, giving them names.

 

Due to artillery shelling, some nearby villages practically ceased to exist. Everyone around was getting angrier. Some grandmother poisoned our pies. Almost everyone got fungus, someone's teeth were falling out, the skin was peeling. Some fell asleep on duty due to fatigue. Someone started pounding hard, it is not clear where he found the alcohol.

 

Every time during the shelling, I pressed my head to the ground and the thought popped up again: "Lord, if I survive, I will do everything to change this!" I was not afraid to die, it was a shame to give my life for this shit, it was not clear for what, for whom? I was offended that the top didn't care about us. They show in every possible way that for them we are not human, we are like cattle. I was offended that before the war they started, they did everything to destroy our army.

The feeling you have when you leave the war zone is indescribable... Two months of dirt, hunger, cold, sweat and feeling close to death. It's a pity that journalists are not allowed to visit us on the front line, which is why the whole country can't admire the paratroopers - overgrown, unwashed, dirty, thin and embittered, their mediocre command, unable to equip soldiers, even during battles. Half of my guys changed their clothes and put on Ukrainian uniforms, because they were better quality and more comfortable, because theirs was worn out. And our great country is not able to train, equip and feed its own army.

 

In the middle of April, I got dirt in my eyes from artillery fire and keratitis started. After five days of torture due to the threat of losing my eye, when the eye had already closed, I was still evacuated.

 

The paramedic, who sent me to the evacuation from the front line, asked me to tell the medical team that he did not have syringes and painkillers, even this was not available on the front line. It is enough to simply compare the first aid kit of a Russian soldier and an American, which is now often found in the Armed Forces of Ukraine. The best parallel would be to compare "Zhiguli" and "Mercedes".

 

We were brought to one of the barracks, which was intended for those who were discharged from the hospital and sent there to await shipment to the unit. There were a hundred people who came back from the war, who went crazy after the experience and the feeling of happiness at the fact that they were alive and that they were back in civilization. Someone stutters a lot, I saw two people with memory loss, many people there drink a lot, drink what they have earned, go out at night to prostitutes and walk all day...

I had to pay for treatment and buy medicine at my own expense. For two months I tried to get treatment from the army, went to the prosecutor's office, went to the command, to the head of the hospital, wrote to the president. Nobody cares, nobody helped. No insurance, no treatment.

 

Spitting on everything, I decided to pass the military medical commission and leave the army for health reasons. The command concluded that I was avoiding service and submitted the documentation to the prosecutor's office for initiation of criminal proceedings. Many, after such an evaluation, try to go back. Their goal is to bring back as many people as possible for the sake of a new star, albeit without training and equipment.

An army in which they spread rotten lies to their own soldiers... those who were already in the war, those who don't want to go back there, die for no reason. There are many dead, whose relatives have not been compensated. In most cases, compensation and insurance are denied to the wounded and sick. More than half of the regiment left, someone quit for various reasons, there are sick and wounded, dead. There are even those who have not yet been paid anything for their service under the contract, because according to the documents they were not on the battlefield, and letters to the Ministry of Defense do not give any results. And I didn't get the three million that we call "Putin's", and neither did many others. I had 215,000 rubles in my card account for two months of the "special operation".

 

The main reason for the failure of the Russian army in Ukraine is that we had no moral right to attack another country, especially the people closest to us. When it all started, I knew few people who believed in the Nazis and even fewer who wanted to fight the Ukrainians. We did not hate and did not consider the Ukrainian people as enemies.

 

Another reason is how it all started. Launch a "special operation" with shelling of the territory of Ukraine with artillery, planes and missiles... What kind of reception did we expect from the civilian population if people woke up on February 24 to the explosions of artillery, planes and missiles? Who expected that after such a beginning, the people would not unite against the invaders?

The third reason is the terrible corruption and disorder in our army, its moral and technical obsolescence. Career advancement is possible only if there are connections and loyalty to the system. In the current army, in order for there to be no problems, you have to do what they tell you without question, even if they say complete nonsense. Officers are still taught how to manage a conscript army, not a professional army of contract soldiers, who are often older than the young officers. Choosing the military is far from common sense, it's hard to get a job, and even harder to quit. The salary for the service is far from decent.

 

Military regulations were written for the army of the past, and have not yet been adapted to modern reality. We are all just praising and not making the army stronger. Much of our equipment is outdated or insufficient, and the complex supply chain for new equipment does not function efficiently. Much exists only on paper and in reports. Our ammunition and uniforms are uncomfortable and of poor quality: most soldiers buy and change into American, European or even Ukrainian uniforms. Why again, as in 1941, are we not ready for modern military reality? Why do millions of people who served in the military know about this and remain silent?

 

 

The majority in the army is dissatisfied with what is happening there, dissatisfied with the government and its command, dissatisfied with Putin and his policies, dissatisfied with the minister of defense who did not serve in the army. The majority of the army does not want to kill anyone, and even more does not want war, but we are bound by patriotism, laws, guilt towards our colleagues, nobody wants to be a coward. We cannot throw down our weapons and run.

 

I don't see the children of Skabeev, Solovyov, Kiselev, Rogozin, Lavrov, Medvedev in the trenches, but I constantly hear calls from them to kill. Which son of the representative of the Duma is in the war? Are their children more talented and smarter than the children of workers and peasants? Or do their parents not want the same fate as us? Many people go there because it is at least a chance to make money.

 

We have all become hostages of many factors, such as revenge, patriotism, money, debt, career, fear of the state. I think we are playing. We did not annex DPR and LNR, we started a terrible war. A war in which cities are destroyed and which leads to the death of children, women and the elderly.