27.09.2022.

The war in Ukraine through the eyes of a Russian soldier: disorder, mediocre command and unwillingness to kill (I)

The story of a Russian paratrooper about the state of the army and the events at the front after two months spent in Ukraine
 
It's been a month and a half since I came back from the war. I know that you must not say the word war, it is forbidden... So this is a war: our Russian army fires at the Ukrainian army, and it retaliates, shells and rockets explode there... At the same time, the army on both sides is killed, as well as the civilians who have they are "lucky" to live where they decided to start the war, calling it a "special operation" - this is how the memoirs of Russian soldier Pavlo Filatiev, about his war in Ukraine, begin.
 
Pavel Filatiev, a 33-year-old paratrooper originally from the Volgograd region, served in Chechnya in the 2010s, and in August of last year, due to problems with work and penury, he decided to sign a new contract for service in the Russian army. He participated in the war on the territory of Ukraine as part of the 56th Air Assault Regiment. His unit in the first days of the invasion was sent to storm Kherson. Due to injuries received on the battlefield, Filatiev was evacuated for treatment, he never returned to the front. Now Filatiev opposes the war: he tells the truth about what he saw with his own eyes. He described his memories in the book "ZOV". "Important Stories" publishes abbreviated excerpts from Pavle Filatiev's book - about disorder in the Russian army, soldiers' attitude towards war and senseless death.
 
About the disorder in the Russian army before the start of the war
 
Wandering unsuccessfully and doing various jobs, in August of last year I decide to return to the army, by the age of 33 I still don't have my own home... I get an order to arrive at a unit in the Crimea. After 10 days, they give me a uniform, but only a summer one, there are no berets of the right size, which is why I go to buy myself berets... In the morning formation... I begin to be horrified: two torn flags of the Russian Federation are flying on the parade ground and of the Airborne Forces, from the column the anthem plays sadly, but half the soldiers don't sing it...
In the middle of October, they start issuing demi-season and winter uniforms, but only those worn and without sizes. I refuse to take worn uniforms that do not fit, because of which the relationship with the commando begins to strain, they do not like rebels here. After an argument with the company commander, I go and buy myself a coat. The commander begins to shine...
We arrive at the training ground for parachute jumps, it was cold at night, minus, we drove in open KamAZs, everyone arrived numb from the cold... Many soldiers were without warm clothes: some did not get them, some refused to receive worn ones uniform or a uniform that is not his size. The next day I wake up, I have a fever, bilateral pneumonia... Within seven days, about thirty soldiers from my unit were admitted to the infectious department with diagnoses of acute respiratory viral infection, bronchitis, tonsillitis. Everyone was present at the jumps...
I made all this mess, I'm writing a complaint to the Ministry of Defense (of the Russian Federation): "My command of military unit 81505 does not respect my rights as a soldier... The provision of the uniform fell partly on me... Food insecurity... In three and a half months service, I still don't have an entry in the military card that I serve in this military unit! I don't have the listed weapon!... There were no classes for three and a half months, except for additional training before the jump. There is an atmosphere of
apathy among the contractors, and 90 percent are discussing: "The contract would have ended faster"... Given that I am in such an important strategic direction, I see complete anarchy, there is only a faint hint of combat readiness... Command unit, after a complaint to the Ministry of Defense, quickly came up with a trial, where they exposed me as a regular violator of discipline and as the worst soldier in the unit...
After the response from the Ministry of Defense to my complaint, in which they wished me good health upon landing and recommended that I pay attention to my discipline, the desire to serve in this madhouse completely disappeared... And this is the Airborne Forces - the elite, the reserve of the Supreme commander! It's scary to imagine how things are now in other units.
 
About sending to "class"
 
In mid-February, my company, like many other units, was at the training ground in Old Crimea. Watching the news, I realized that something must be brewing, everyone who had quit or was sick was being sent to the training ground. On the one hand, I didn't want to have anything more to do with such an army, where you are nobody, and your rights prescribed by law are written only on paper, where your salary is less than the salary of a loader in Magnit. I also realized that the army is not combat ready... On the other hand, I thought that now, when something is being prepared, it would be shameful to refuse service, like a coward...
 
Our company lived in one tent, about 40 people. Bunk beds in the tent, stove. Even in Chechnya, life was better organized. The food in the canteen is even worse than in the garrison... We had nowhere to wash... Those who arrived later than the others, like me, had neither a sleeping bag, nor a camouflage suit, nor armor, nor a helmet...
 
Some in February had nothing to heat the oven, no place to wash, which is why they went to the sea in winter. As a result, hospitals were already full of patients in February, and there was even an order to prohibit people from going to the hospital. As soon as I saw my commander, I asked him: "Where is my sleeping bag and Warrior kit?" To which he replied that he didn't have it, and where to sleep and where to get ammunition - that's my problem...
 
In the following days, we went to the shooting range, there I finally picked up a machine gun for the first time, I didn't have any permanent weapon for four months!... It turned out that the belt on my machine gun broke and it was just rusted, already on the first night of shooting it jammed [ catula – which leads to a stoppage in firing. - approx. ed.) after one shot….
Sometime on February 20, an order came for everyone to gather urgently and move out slowly, followed by a forced march to an unknown destination. Then most hoped that this meant the end of the exercises... As a result, we arrived in the fields near the city of Armyansk in Crimea... In many UAZs, the stoves did not even work... And then everyone was dirty and exhausted. Some lived at the training ground for almost a month without any conditions, everyone's nerves were on edge, the atmosphere became more and more serious and incomprehensible...
 
No one really understood what was happening, everyone wondered. On February 23, the division commander arrived and, congratulating us on the holiday, announced that starting tomorrow the salary per day will be 69 dollars (about 7,000 rubles). This is more than 200,000 per month, plus the usual salary. It was a clear sign that something serious was about to happen... When we realized that it was not about the Crimean operation "Polite People" and not about exercises, but the war had begun, crossing the border of Ukraine under a barrage of missiles, accompanied by combat helicopters and planes, even and then they started saying that such work is not worth the money they pay us...
 
How the war started
 
On February 24, I woke up around two in the morning in the back of the KamAZ, the convoy was lined up somewhere in the wilderness, everyone had turned off their engines, the headlights were off... I hear a rumble, a crash, I see that the sky is lit up by bursts: right and left rocket artillery was working from our column. It was not clear what was happening, who was shooting from where and at whom... A low murmur was heard: "It has started." I felt the alarming realization that there would be no "Our Crimea" scenario, a clear premonition of a very complex situation appeared.
I could not understand: are we shooting at Ukrainians who have advanced? Maybe NATO? Or do we attack? Who is this infernal shelling being directed at?... The army is so organized that there is no one to ask... no one will explain anything to me. I can only throw down my weapon and run away somewhere back and become a coward or follow others... Now I realize that I have been used: somewhere by cunning (media and patriotism), somewhere by force (law and punishment), sugar (salary), somewhere by praise (awards and ranks ).
The convoy noticeably came to life and began to slowly move forward... I heard gunfire and explosions in the direction we were going... My "Ural" slowly crossed the broken Crimea-Ukraine border... I saw crumpled, smoked or shot cars as they cross the border... There were signs, inscriptions in Ukrainian, flags of Ukraine...
Suddenly we suddenly stop on some deserted road, the command "To battle!" We all abruptly, but clumsily, get out of the car and separate, taking positions for the fight: some are kneeling, some are lying down, and some are standing stupidly, because they are getting dirty. It's a good thing that the command is fake, otherwise a well-prepared enemy would beat us well with such skill...
All this time I was riding with a cartridge in my submachine gun and was ready to shoot anyone who looked dangerous. Where and why we were going was not clear. It was clear that a real war had begun... Later I found out that we had orders to go to Kherson, to seize the bridge over the Dnieper. It became clear that we attacked Ukraine...
I found out that we already have wounded and dead... Then a fighter plane flew low, whose - ours or not - no one understood, the command had nothing to do with it. The commander said that it doesn't matter, understand what's happening, but the main thing is not to piss, now let's move on. He said it with feigned courage, but I could see in his eyes that he was also scared.
 
On February 25, I'm getting ready to move out... Suddenly the chief medical officer (head of the medical service) of the regiment appeared, he was walking and looking for where to transfer the wounded. He saw that there were only two people in the rear part of our "Ural", and the body was "exactly" packed with boxes of mines, on which the wounded man could be placed on a stretcher. He put the wounded man on the boxes, the chief doctor gave him an injection, wrapped him in foil and told us to be careful: if bleeding starts, to tighten the tourniquet.
 
Looks like, it was a guy who broke his leg by turning his gun on a BMD. He lay moaning very softly, saying all the time that he was cold. Then they told me the guy died. Instead of evacuating him to a hospital with wonderful and caring nurses, as in American movies, we drove him farther and farther behind enemy lines on boxes of mines in the "Ural" that had no brakes.
 
On the attitude of the Russian army towards civilians
 
In the Ukrainian settlements, we met smorety passers-by who saw us off with a grumpy look. There was a sense of anxiety and danger from these houses, along with a sense of respect for their patriotism. I realized that if I suddenly sensed danger from one of the houses, I would shoot without thinking. Carelessness or delay is the death of me or my comrades, doubts are dangerous. But at the same time, I didn't want to kill anyone... Civilians with sacks passed by the convoy on the highway: apparently, those fleeing the war. Basically, everyone walked and drove from Kherson where we were now getting ready to leave. Hundreds of cars with DVRs have already passed by us, and some of them were openly recording us through the glass on their phones, what madness.
 
In the positions on the right side of the road something starts to burn, after 10 minutes the fire also starts to the left of us. Someone set fire to dry reeds to the left and right of our positions. Apparently, someone did it on purpose, and it was definitely not ours. There is some anger towards civilians. I understand that we are uninvited guests here, but for their own safety they better stay away from us. Therefore, the behavior of civilians is angering and surprising.
What the hell are we even doing here? This is not our specialty. We are not the police and not the intervention police, they are all set up for conflicts with the Armed Forces of Ukraine, and no one wants to explain to civilians, "why the hell we came here", we don't even know ourselves. It's too late to argue, you're in the foreground and it's either you or them.
 
[28. February] I recognize a rumor that someone shot a civilian car that did not stop with a BMD cannon. There was a mother and several children in the car, only one child survived. The death of innocent civilians has been and will be in every war, but it becomes disgusting in the soul. While our governments figure out among themselves how to live, and the military on both sides is their tool, civilians are dying, their known world is crumbling. When you realize this, you don't know what to do. If you leave everything and go, you become a coward and a traitor. If you continue to participate in this, you will become complicit in the death and suffering of people.